"The Black Taffeta Skirt"
Yesterday l watched as the bonfire l had purposely built, slowly licked at the hem of the black taffeta skirt that l had placed there ... and as l waited and watched, a memory of my Grandfathers small Autumn leaf fires pushed to the surface of my mind... Perhaps in protection of the deeper memories trying to nudge the corners of my memory... Of 'him' and that night on the cliff edge... and as the memories flooded back and l started to remember that warm summers eve, l remembered how my black taffeta skirt had caught the night breeze and a strand of my then long hair had crossed my face... and I remembered how he had gently tucked it behind my ear and whispered something of me reminding him of 'Gone With The Wind' ... and in my memories eye, I remembered his eyes... and his nearness to me...
Perhaps l fell under some ancient spell on that starry summers eve... with that combination of sea and moonlight and the secretly concealed bluff ...perhaps in some other lifetime l fell into his gaze... and stayed there...
And l watched as slowly the flames melted like snow, a corner of my black skirt, just as my heart had melted then... and l remembered the sound of my black taffeta skirt, the soft swishing noise that it had made as it blended with the sound of the sea softly breathing in and out below... l remembered the coolness to touch of it's fabric and the way it had made me feel so... beautiful...
Willing the memory to be washed away quickly, but mockingly the flames insisted on a slow dance and not a bursting into the hot blaze that l was impatient for ...Seemingly laughing at me, the flames slow danced around the edges, egging me to remember some more of the sweet passion of my youth...
And in a flurry of memories like an old movie l remembered his touch on my skin and the way it reverberated through out my whole body, l remembered my mothers face as he came in the door for that first date... I remembered her eyes glazing slightly as she told me later of how much he had reminded her of my father in his youth...
Funny, l thought to myself how we try to capture in other ways the things that we can never know... Is this the thing to be let go of? The people in my life that nearly but never loved me... It made me think about how we are all searching in different ways to be remembered and loved...
A sudden impulse to pull the skirt from the flames before it fully caught alight was halted, as just as suddenly mocking orange flames shook me from my reverie, and quickly engulfed my reason to remember ...and threw abruptly to the night air small burning fabric pieces... That then softly danced upwards on the current of the heat haze of the fire into the darkening evening sky... Something from inside me whispered gently that it was time to let go...
I slept more soundly last night, deeper somehow and as l put on the kettle this morning and glanced out of my window upon the pile of yesterdays 'memory burning'... l noticed a small thin spiral of smoke and l am not surprised as the thought occurs to me now that some memories take longer than others, to let go of...
(PS) My horoscope for today! : Friday, May 23rd, 2008 -- Overcoming emotional fears can be extra hard work today, but you will be rewarded if you are up for the challenge. A close friend or lover could be the source of the problem, though you might not be able to truly understand what's going on. Your reluctance to change can make the situation even more challenging. Practice being flexible and watch the resistance and turmoil recede into the background... X:-o!
1 comment:
"Hi mE in the pAST" X:-)
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