i'm not sure i know why
and i kind of know how
but i don't seem to have the words
to explain it
even to myself
but ~something~ is different
about me now
i have not been by myself or lost
in this experience
in fact i have felt at times larger than myself
and surrounded and protected
like never before and yet
on this other level
never have i ever
felt such a darkness, such a loneliness
such a fear of myself
This ~difference~
this change
it is subtle
as a whisper
and yet the experience of it
has been as LOUD
and as frightening as the most thunderous lightening cyclone
As those Beloveds
who have stayed close
can attest to
those souls who have been brave enough
not to run
who have loved me enough to say
"We will weather this storm together"
i am still me
and yet i am unlike the person
that ever i was before
something that was ~there~
is now gone
as if i have shed
a part of myself
Essentially of course i will always Be Me
but ~something~ is very different now
as if something has been unraveled
explored
discarded
and resown
i am newer and younger
and yet older and wiser
than i have ever been
something has shifted somehow
and although my attempts to explain
are clumsy
and the words elude me
what i can say with some confidence is...
Something is different about me now
14 comments:
My husband described this different as
"Something's happening to me
The man I used to be is gone
He gave up his life
So I could go on" (lyrics from a song called Heaven by KEM)
Because of what you have lived, and because of what you are living, you are now different. And there is strength in that difference
Hugs
Beautiful!
The river that ran yesterday is not the same river that runs today although it has the same name.
Sending loving, healing thoughts to you beautiful 'different' Vicki
how could you not be different, the changes in you will be profound.
My friend Leanne has said the same thing, she is not as she used to be!
How can you be the same with all the experiences you have been through recently?
And yet, how can you not be the you that you have always been?
Yes, life is hard to describe at times. Don't worry. Those of us who have said, "We will weather this storm together," understand enough, yet not everything, about your changes, and about how you are you.
Blessings and Bear hugs from the Canadian Bear.
What you have said is true. You could not be the same person after all you have experienced....but....how wise you are to recognise this change - and even embrace it. This is part of *your* journey.... we all are travelling on our own as well....but, I, for one, am feeling really happy that our paths intersected... and that we will continue travelling together.
Brave, wonderful Vicki.....
I send you many warm hugs from (yes, STILL - FOGGY) San Francisco! (See, I am even sharing your Winter weather here in *sunny* California! A-ha-ha!)
Love, always,
♥ Robin ♥
Vicki, You have been trhough so much, that in itself changes a person and when we grow as you have you are bound to be different.
Hugs and kisses. xoxo
As long as you can write a poem as beautiful as this then any change in you is just wonderful.
You, and your poem, is unique but there are perhaps thousands who know EXACTLY what you're going through. Few have the courage and capability of expressing it so succinctly.
Love and best wishes, Phil
Maybe now your soul is exposed? ♥
My thoughts of these different feelings that make you feel you are different is generally that surrounding of fathers eyes, just prior to a well spring of Love you are about to recieve. Its that awkward pause just before someone says don't say 'you shouldn't have' and they say because we did and we love you that much more for being you.
so now share the suprise and tell us who showered you with love, not lately, but most recently. What is it you got for the gettin I'm sure was goodness.
One of the beautiful pieces of writing about your feelings that I have ever read. What a blessing to know of you and your soul.
QMM
*dear vicki...
i feel the same way about myself... but have yet to find a way to express it...
you sweetheart...
did it beautifully ***
i love you*
Thankyou so much for going on this journey with me folks...
i *Love* you more xox
This poetry takes me to a place unknown yet familiar.
You make my heart sing.
DDZ *Kisses*
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