Pondering the silence

i am pondering the silence...

i understand that student and teacher don't need 'physical presence'
to be sourced

and i find myself on waking lately,
trying to hang onto the wisdom of my guru's guidance,

having been conversing with him in my sleep

this is great privilege...

i believe in this

and ~know~ it to be ~true~

But there is a great void around me sometimes

between me and this physical world

and sometimes it is so thick and loud in it's silence that i can't think clearly

sometimes it makes the 'lessons' all foggy around the edges...

an Aunty of mine has just been diagnosed with cancer

as has a friend just yesterday died of it

i know this is no co-incidence for me

on some level

i know that this life is all about choice

as i chose to ~live~ the moment i met my spiritual teacher

and my spirit has never looked back

as is self evident... i am still here, no?

when others have left this physical plane

But are the answers really so simple?

is it really just about sourcing the invisible?

how do these things make my life a better place to be in?

how does it break me through the fog?

...these are the questions of my mind

as i ponder the silence

i ~feel~ beautiful sometimes with faith on my lips

and i ~feel~ a beautiful vibration flow through my physical

but how does this move me forward in my life?

how does this help me make decisions?

so much is physically pressing in my life...

that this just seems like selfishness

pondering the silence like this...

Do yOu hear my soul screaming into the void?

i do this sometimes...

...are yOu the void?

are yOur voices, the voices of my soul?

i sometimes wonder...

if all is reflection of self?

...and as you sleep peacefully in the other places

and go about your daily lives in other worlds

...the reply i sense within

the voice deep inside me that whispers in answer to my calling...

says that it's all just a part of the *magic*

and that all i have to do is remember...

to ~surrender~