Doc says given my liver is swollen that it might be a good idea if we do a PET scan... Fair enough! But today and last night i felt a dramatic change in my liver size- a reduction! (Can it go up and down like that so dramatically???) So here's my dilemma... If i do it now (The PET scan when i am feeling emotionally rather fragile) and i get negative results... Will this melt what little reserve i have left at the moment? (i am basing this on how the last Specialist got under my skin and completely tore up my confidence!... i had NO idea that i was SO fragile!) You know i believe that my healing has a LOT to do with my state of mind-right!?! So right now i am thinking that all is okay X:-) That i simply have a problem with my liver and we can deal with that... So when the Doc's want to go snooping elsewhere i think to myself... "Do we REALLY HAVE to???" i mean can't we just leave well enough alone for now? My thoughts being that what would be the point right now to 'take a leap of faith' when would it really change what we currently have planned medically... (Which is to give the new hormone treatment 6wks 'to do it's thing?' and then if that looks dodgy, try a different chemo) ...We would probably do that anyway, because any further 'spread' wouldn't change that... If anything it would just make the next Specialist a bit less inclined to do the tumor 'zapping' thing, as he would probably do the 'glass half empty thing' and probably not be inclined to have my stats ruin his stats (Given that his Nanoknife is still at trial stage) Sighhh... The other thought i had, was perhaps i could ask my Doc to keep the results to herself for 6wks, unless she had some amazingly fabulous new treatment that she hasn't previously mentioned! ...You see it is quite a feat to maintain your confidence while embracing modern medicine, as they don't seem to cater for your state of mind quite as much as the so called more 'alternative' approaches that seem to put a bigger emphasis on it... And the Docs think we run to more natural medicines because we are desperate... Well they are right! We are desperate for a more 'positive approach' to healing... We are desperate for a smile, a kind touch, a positive comment (not a lie mind you!) just a more 'mind'ful approach...
Is THAT too much to ask for?
Sighhh... What to do, what to do... and the scan is tomorrow... Have i also mentioned that i am claustrophobic... It makes these scans just that much more horrible for me... sighhh...
Renee, "Now i think i know, what you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity. How you tried to set them free... They did not listen, they're not listening still ... Perhaps they never will..."
X:-/
8 comments:
Knowing what's there, and deciding what to do about, are two different things. Which one of those troubles you more?
The body heals itself. Certain procedures can help the healing process; others have so many "side-effects" that they are toxic.
Yet many who are so science-oriented miss the more holistic process, because they can only see their science.
For a person — you — who has been through so much, and has become truly fragile in the process, it can be hard to decide anything.
Blessings and Bear hugs. I'll pretend I'm holding your paw. OK?
There's no pretending here... i can feel it in my Heart when someone holds my 'paw' ~Thankyou~ Rob-bear x
Vicki, I can feel the dilemna that you find yourself in, and I wish that I had an answer that would be best for you. But I can only speak for myself on this one, because ultimately, your health is yours. But for me, I take the scans whenever I can. I dread the results - as Renee would say, I get "scanxiety," but by the same token, I feel more in charge of my disease when I know everything that there is to know. I feel better equipped to fight the enemy when I know what he looks like. But that is me!
I have my next scan on July 5, and it is with trepidation that i go into it but I do need to know what is happening inside of me. The last time, when I wasn't looking, it began to take control of me. Now I want to be the one in control.
Love, hugs and best wishes regardless of which way you decide!
Audrey
Thankyou so much for your thoughts Audrey (((Hugs))) and *kisses* and ~Healing~ wishes to You too xox
I think not knowing would be worse for me. Give me the stats and I will deal with it. I know you have dealt with alot, so you need to decided if you can deal with any more. I would have the scans so that they are there for the Doctors who seem to need them, but Yes I would ask that they only tell me when I am ready to hear.
cyber hugs and luv to you.
I have a CT scan in a couple of weeks. I too, feel anxious about it.
But, again, at least for me, the finding it out is better than not knowing.
But I know what you mean...
Let the scanxiety begin....
Thinking of you!
This IS a dilemma.... you, dear one, have already been through so much....more than most of us will ever have to endure....BUT,...you asked, and as someone who truly loves you.....I think you should throw those shoulders back - and go for the test. See what is there.....and then, you can create a plan of action. This is so *easy* for me to say..because you are the one undergoing the tests and waiting the results....but I feel (and you KNOW Renee backs me on this), you need to know what is happening with that body of yours..
I hope you go for it.... you have ALL of our LOVE, PRAYERS and SUPPORT. I would be there in an instant to go with you.... darn Pacific Ocean which separates us....
But....I am still here.... home phone: 1-415.776.2706. Call me or leave me your phone number....
Love, always,
♥ Robin ♥
p.s. Be BRAVE! Together Strong. I mean this!
Thankyou my lovely friends, your comments mean SOOO much to me *Kisses*
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